The Huddle - Edition 90

Intro
Winning Is a Great Goal…It Just Can’t Be the Only One

Winning gets a bad rap in youth sports because people confuse competing hard with making kids feel like the scoreboard decides their worth. The truth is: learning to chase a goal, handle pressure, bounce back from losses, and celebrate progress is part of what makes sports valuable. Winning can be a healthy target when it lives inside a bigger plan—development, effort, teamwork, and resilience.

A few research anchors to frame the conversation:

• The Aspen Institute has highlighted that the average child spends less than three years playing a sport and quits by age 11, most often because “it just isn’t fun anymore.”

• A widely cited Aspen/ESPN write-up on dropout pressure noted that unwanted stress and pressure is a major driver (and that coaching experience/training matters).

• In a national parent survey from the Aspen Institute, parents rated multiple priorities in youth sport settings—fostering a love of sport, making sure athletes have fun, sportsmanship, and winning games all show up as meaningful (i.e., most families don’t want winning erased; they want it put in the right place).

• Recent sport psychology research continues to show that the environment adults create (mastery-focused vs. pressure-only performance climate) is strongly linked to how kids feel and behave in sport.

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Insight of the week
Compete to Win…Evaluate to Grow

Good coaches don’t pretend winning doesn’t matter. They just refuse to let the scoreboard be the only report card. The best teams I’ve been around chase wins with real intent—but their daily language and weekly evaluations make it clear that improvement is the true standard. When kids understand that, they play freer, they take coaching better, and they don’t fall apart after mistakes.

A simple approach that works: coach “winning behaviors,” not just winning outcomes. The outcome is the score. The behaviors are what the score is built on.

Here are a few ways to do it without turning your season into a motivational poster:

• Define 3–5 “winning behaviors” and track them like stats
  Examples: sprinting back on defense, talking on the field, finishing plays, next-play response after errors, unselfish decisions.

  • Share these with the team early.

  • Praise them in practice.

  • Call them out in games.

  • Review them after wins and losses.

• Use a two-part postgame recap
  Keep it consistent every time:

  • Result: what happened (short and neutral)

  • Reasons: the 2–3 controllables that decided it (effort, spacing, communication, decision-making, etc.)
    This keeps winning in the conversation—but keeps the learning bigger than the outcome.

• Build “pressure reps” into practice so games feel normal
  Kids melt down in games when the environment suddenly becomes high-stakes. Practice should include small score-based competitions plus reflection:

  • “What helped us win that round?”

  • “What broke down when we lost?”

  • “What’s one adjustment?”
    That’s how you teach kids to compete without spiraling.

• Make playing time feel principled, not emotional
  Nothing destroys a team faster than “winning is everything… unless you’re my favorite.”

  • Be clear: development matters, but effort and attitude matter too.

  • Coach it the same for every kid.

  • Communicate roles with respect.

Bottom line: Coach with a competitive edge, but evaluate with a developmental lens. Kids can handle hard standards. What they can’t handle is feeling like they’re only valued when they help the team win.

The Coaching Dad Recommendation
8th Graders to Seniors (GET THEM RECRUITED)

If your family wants to make the recruiting process feel less chaotic, Athlete Narrative is a strong recommendation that I love! What stands out is how clearly it supports both sides of the process: it helps athletes stay visible and organized, while also giving parents a better way to stay informed without adding pressure.

For athletes, the biggest value is speed and simplicity. Athlete Narrative highlights a quick-build Radar Page (profile) where athletes can share highlights, stats, grades, and key info in one place, plus tools for school research and coach outreach. They also promote fast communication features like personalized coach emails in under 60 seconds and AI support, which can help athletes stay consistent with outreach instead of putting it off. (athletenarrative.com)

For parents, the value is peace of mind and visibility. Their messaging consistently emphasizes “Parent-Approved Efficiency,” with a focus on saving time, reducing stress, and helping families stay aligned during recruiting. You can also set up weekly parent updates, which is a helpful benefit for families who want to support the process without hovering over every step. (athletenarrative.com)

A big bonus for families following The Coaching Dad: you can access Athlete Narrative at a 40% discount—just $15/month. That’s a fraction of the cost compared to many recruiting services on the market, while still giving families a premium, athlete-first experience.

Drill of the week
Soccer Free Space Drill

Sport: Soccer

Skill Focus: Off-ball movement, creating passing angles, supporting the ball carrier, finding open space quickly

Setup

• Use a 20x25 yard grid (adjust bigger for older kids).

• Put 3 attackers vs 2 defenders inside the grid (rotate defenders often).

• Place two small goals on opposite end lines (or use cones as “gates”).

• Coach has extra balls ready to restart quickly.

How to Run It

• Begin with the coach playing a ball into the attacking team.

• The attacker on the ball must look for a pass—while the two off-ball attackers must move immediately to create support options (one short, one wide/deep).

• The goal is to complete 3–5 passes and then attack one of the mini-goals (or dribble through a gate) when space opens.

• If the defenders win it or the ball goes out, restart fast with a new ball from the coach.

Coaching Tips

• Teach the “triangle rule”: the player on the ball should have at least two passing options—your off-ball players are responsible for creating that.

• Give off-ball players simple movement cues:

  • Check in (get close to be an easy pass)

  • Pull away (create space and stretch defenders)

  • Change lanes (don’t stand behind a defender—move to a new angle)

• Coach scanning: before players move, they should take a quick look—“Where is the open space, not just where is the ball?”

• Reward movement that helps the team even if they don’t get the pass. That’s how you build smart players who don’t watch the game—they shape it.

Tip of the week
Parents: Use Winning as a Measuring Stick

Parents can absolutely treat winning as a meaningful goal. Kids should feel what it’s like to work hard for something and accomplish it. The issue is when winning becomes the emotional thermostat of the house—good night if they won, tense night if they didn’t. That’s where kids start to play not to disappoint you instead of playing to grow.

A healthier way is to frame winning as feedback, not identity.

A few parent habits that keep it balanced:

• Celebrate wins, but anchor your praise in what created them
  Instead of only “Great win!” try:

  • “I loved your effort on the plays that didn’t go your way.”

  • “You stayed composed and kept competing.”

  • “Your communication was so much better today.”
    That teaches kids what to repeat.

• After losses, don’t make the car ride feel like a review board
  If you want consistency, use the same 2–3 questions regardless of result:

  • “What felt better today than last time?”

  • “What’s one thing you want to work on this week?”

  • “What did you do that helped the team?”
    Calm questions build athletes. Postgame lectures build avoidance.

• Keep your standards stable (and your emotions smaller than theirs)
  Your kid is already feeling it. They don’t need you stacking more. If they’re upset, you can hold the line without dismissing the feeling:

  • “It’s okay to be disappointed. We’re still proud of your effort. We’ll learn from it.”

• Don’t outsource confidence to the scoreboard
  When kids learn “I’m good when we win,” they get shaky the moment things go wrong. Help them track personal progress too: stronger first touch, better hustle, smarter decisions, improved composure.

The big win for parents isn’t raising a kid who only loves sports when they’re winning. It’s raising a kid who competes hard, handles results well, and keeps showing up.

Blog Highlight
Winning in Youth Sports: It’s Not the Problem (It’s the Way We Coach It)

Winning gets a bad rap in youth sports.

You’ve heard it before: “Stop caring about the score.” “Winning doesn’t matter.” “If you focus on winning, you’re ruining the game for kids.”

And I get where that’s coming from—because we’ve all seen the ugly version of “winning culture.” The coach who treats kids like chess pieces. The parent who turns every car ride into a film session. The team where one mistake feels like a crime and kids play tight because they’re scared to mess up.

But here’s my position:

Gear up
Start Looking the Part!

Every week I release new products in my Etsy store. My goal is to bring a little style back into the youth sports game. You’ll find things for coaches, parents and kids.

The Volunteer Coach Academy
Stop Guessing and Really Help Your Team Improve

You’ve seen the tips and tools I share each week—now imagine everything you need to coach with confidence, all in one place. I’ve built a complete course designed specifically for volunteer and parent-coaches to help you feel prepared, supported, and ready to lead. Whether you’re stepping on the field for the first time or just want to get better for your kid’s sake, this course was made for you.

Oh and if you aren’t ready for the course yet, still check out the link to learn more because there’s a free Coach’s Guide that you can start using instantly.

Book highlight
For Coaches, Parents and Youth Athletes

The Constant Coach

Get this for the coach in your life as it provides coaching guidance and insights one day at a time throughout the entire year.

Stories For Young Athletes

Do you have an Young athlete who’s afraid of getting hit by a pitch or who maybe isn’t quite as aggressive on the soccer field as they could be? This book helps kids with a variety of circumstances, in a lot of different sports, through various stories that your child can relate to. It’s perfect for kids 7-11!

Featured Coaching Resources
Aggression and Anxiety Guides

I just released two new guides designed to make your coaching easier and your players more confident:

1. The Aggression Guide
Perfect for the child who plays great at home but hesitates in games. This guide gives you simple, practical strategies to help players be more assertive, engaged, and confident—without pressure or yelling.

2. Calm Under Pressure
A quick, powerful guide for helping young athletes manage anxiety, nerves, and fear of mistakes. You’ll learn what to look for, what to say, and how to support kids during tough moments.

Content
Other Free Content

You might be new to coaching a team or sport. You may be a grizzled coaching veteran. Either way, check out the content section of thecoachingdad.com. You’ll find resources that cover a large number of sports, including game refreshers, position breakdowns, injury management, practice ideas and more.

Engage
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